Curiosity May Have Killed the Cat… But It Built the Leader

As the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. The cat was curious. The cat investigated. The cat got itself into a treacherous predicament and couldn’t get itself out. That was the end of the cat.

Leaders, unlike the cat, are wise to exercise curiosity. In practice, that looks like trying new things, asking good questions, and truly seeing people. Each of these habits carries its own kind of value, and its own kind of risk worth taking.

Try Something New

Trying something new is the only way to find out whether you actually enjoy it or find value in it. A pet peeve of mine is people who refuse to try new things.

One of my favorite books to recommend is Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham. It’s a staple of American children’s literature, and if you haven’t read it, consider this your spoiler alert.

Sam-I-Am refuses to try green eggs and ham. He poetically resists the dreaded meal for roughly half the book. Then he finally takes a bite, and for the rest of the story he’s eating them everywhere imaginable. He likes green eggs and ham. Actually, he loves them. An entire world opens up to him, one he never would have discovered had he not tried something new.

What’s the worst that could have happened if he hadn’t liked them? He simply wouldn’t have enjoyed that meal, and life would have gone on. Instead, his willingness to take a small risk led to something phenomenal. Sam-I-Am became an evangelist for green eggs and ham.

We can all learn from him. “Trying something new” is really just another name for risk-taking, and risk-taking in leadership is a must, so much of one, in fact, that it deserves its own post another day.

Ask Good Questions

Questions, asked with the right intent, are powerful. They let one or both parties learn something about themselves, or about each other. They help people feel seen and valued. They give the other person a voice.

Some of my favorite relationship-building questions:

What’s your story?

Everyone has one, whether they realize it or not. Everyone came from somewhere, and everyone has experienced things unique to them that helped shape who they are. Giving someone the chance to share their story gives them a voice. It may be the first time anyone has wanted to hear it, or it may be the thousandth. Either way, story-listening is a skill. Be genuinely curious. Ask follow-up questions. Be gracious, and thank them for sharing. No matter the story, it takes a degree of vulnerability to tell it.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

This reveals what a person values most about themselves. Depending on the context, it can tell you much more than that. Who gave the compliment might reveal an important relationship in their life, or, if the giver mattered more than the compliment itself, it might reveal a strained one.

What’s an unconventional way you feel loved or cared for?

The obvious benefit is learning how to best show care for that person. The less obvious benefit is understanding the deeper pathways within them. If someone says a road trip together, for instance, they likely value quality time, which means they’re probably sensitive about having their time wasted, and it’s worth being mindful of that. It also means that when they choose to spend time with you, that’s their way of actively caring for you.

A side note: I stopped asking people about their earliest memory. It used to be one of my favorite icebreakers, until I noticed a pattern: so many earliest memories are tied to trauma. Trauma has a way of imprinting itself in a person’s memory. Now I save that question for when a relationship has reached a deeper level of intimacy.

See People

Seeing people sounds simple. People are all around us; we see them every day. But as a leader, seeing people means something more.

Some of the most well-known leaders have remarkable success stories, not because they were born into privilege, but because they came the furthest. And those who come the furthest usually got their start in the margins.

As a leader, look into the margins. Not everyone needs to become the next big success story, but everyone needs to be seen. It’s easy to overlook the person with the obvious flaw, the giant hurdle to overcome, or the underdeveloped, shy person in the corner. But any one of them may be the next great talent waiting to be discovered. What we know for certain is that they, too, have a story.

If you come from a different background than they do, being the one who asks them to share that story may be the break they’ve been waiting for. They may not have had the courage to share it unprompted. They may not have realized anyone cared to know.

On the other hand, the person you’re tempted to overlook may be the one in the room who’s hardest to ignore: obnoxious, or otherwise difficult. They need to feel seen too. Often, helping someone feel seen is exactly what softens the rough edges.

Whatever the margin, look into it. See who’s there. Show genuine curiosity about that person. You’ll both be better for it.

Three Questions to Leave You With

• What are your green eggs and ham?
• What question can you ask to get to know someone in a new way?
• What margin can you look into to pull someone out of?

Curiosity comes naturally to the cat. If it doesn’t come as naturally to you, try these practices anyway. You might just get hooked, and before long, like Sam-I-Am, you’ll find yourself practising curiosity everywhere imaginable.

Your Turn

Pick just one of the three questions above and act on it this week: try the new thing, ask the question, or look into the margin. Then come back and tell me what happened. Drop a comment below, or share this post with a leader who needs a nudge toward curiosity. I’d love to hear your green eggs and ham story.

About the Author:

Melody Joy Peace Slaton is Pastor of Global Ministry and Outreach at a church just outside of Houston, TX, USA. There, she leads her congregation on ministry efforts that take place outside the four walls of the church. Locally, they engage in diaspora focused ministries as well as support ministries that meet practical needs of neighbors. Internationally, they have several partners, including a church in Nairobi Kenya. Melody holds a Master of Arts in Missional Theology from Missio Seminary and is currently pursuing a Doctorate in Global Leadership from Fuller Seminary where she is researching the relationship between African Leaders and Western Leaders.